Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be a mommy someday. I would play house with my dollies and even take care of a few special ones that would often go most places with me.
The entire I was growing up, mom didn't work an actual job. She was a stay at home mom - a homemaker. She took care of me while taking care of the house, the laundry, the bills, the groceries, various errands that had to be done and other "womanly-tasks" while my dad was away on business providing for us most weekdays. Deep down, I always wanted to grow up and did what she did - be a stay at home mom.
I was in 3rd grade when my sister was born and I would often help my mom out when it came to taking care of her. As I got into Jr. High I started babysitting not just my sister but various other kids in on our street and several families at church. When I was in high school my cousin was born, and again, I helped out a lot when it came taking care of her too - to this day I still babysit her from time to time. I don't mind it - I like working with kids.
Over the course of the years, I kept changing what I wanted to be when I grew up, however the first thing I declared I wanted to be was a kindergarten teacher. While my dream job changed many times over the years, deep down, I would still love to get a teaching certificate and work with kids. In junior high and high school I used to help out one Sunday a month in the different nursery departments at our church (usually with whatever age group my sister fell into). Sure, some of the kids were a bit hard to handle, but I didn't mind it. I also volunteered a few weeks in the summer and helped out with our church's summer day camp program, which runs for a total of 6 weeks in the summer. I've always enjoyed working with kids and being able to teach them things.
So basically, I've always wanted to have kids of my own someday.
My husband and I had a plan - we would get married, then within a year or so he would be getting promoted to full-time at UPS, as he was finishing up his outside requirements for the position that fall, then we would get a house and start a family.
Well... God's plan for us isn't always the same as the plan we make for ourselves.
- We got married, yes, but the recession hit, and it affected his job. No, he didn't lose his job, but they cut back a lot and there honestly has not been any open full-time positions available! I also got my hours at my job cut in half too, which in turn meant my pay was getting cut in half, so that affected us too as we had to dip into savings.
- We had about given up on our hopes of starting the house hunt when my parents learned about the first-time homebuyers tax credit and offered to loan us money for a down payment, so we looked up some houses online, got in contact with a realtor we knew from church and took a look. Unfortunately though, we got held up on the pre-approval process for the loan, as we learned my husband's credit was not so good and we needed to clear a few things up. We cleared as much as we could up and went back in soon after the new year, however his score was still not up to the 620 the bank needed it to be, so we've been working on clearing up his credit this spring and plan on going back to the bank in July.
When we first moved into our apartment here we weren't expecting to still be here 2 years later!
I've had baby fever for awhile now - so many people I knew from high school and graduated with have either just had babies or are having them soon. My best friend from high school just had her 2nd child a few months ago, and we recently learned that my husband's older brother and his wife are expecting their 2nd in October, as is my husband's 2nd cousin and his wife are expecting their first and they're a lot younger than us and just got married last summer.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm happy for everyone I know, it's just I've had that yearning for awhile now like my biological clock is ticking and every time I hear someone else we know is pregnant, I get a bit jealous inside. Why not us?
Granted, I'm only 25, but I would like to have at least 2 kids by the time I'm 30. Not to mention it'd be nice for our kids to be close in age to our friend's and relative's kids so that when we're together they have someone to play with. I'll admit, even though I've been on the pill, there were a few times where I had pregnant-like symptoms and thought I might be, only to get a visit from Aunt Flo a little late, and was a bit sad and disappointed.
Even though I've been feeling like this for awhile now, I stopped bringing it up around my husband because I knew he felt we weren't ready yet, as he's a bit anal about budgeting and finances and we weren't where we wanted to be yet with our plan. He knew jealous I got though every time we'd hear someone else was pregnant.
Which was why I was a bit relieved the day I got a text message from him while he was working the cell phone kiosk out at the mall right before Easter, saying that all the little kids running around out there were making him want one.
We didn't really continue the conversation until yesturday, when he started texting me again on the job, saying that some parent had this leash/harness bear backpack thing their kid was wearing and how when we have kids we MUST get one of those. He then proceeded say that he felt like his biological clock was kicking it. It was pretty cute to hear him finally talk about wanting a kid.
We spoke later at home that night, as I'm just finishing up my last pill pack today and was curious if he wanted to me pick up the next one or not. We decided not to, thinking that it might take a few months to get my cycle back to normal (I had been on the pills for the last 14 months straight) and that even if I did get pregnant our first cycle trying, I wouldn't be due until soon after the new year and by then we should have a house and be settled in.
So here goes our journey, as we try to conceive our first kid!